Getting on in life

I got this list on an email at work and initially I assumed that the sender had been secretly videoing my life:

SYMPTOMS OF BEING OVER 25

1. You leave clubs before the end to “beat the rush”.

2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing.

3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.

5. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he’s only 46.

6. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.

7. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they’ll be all right for the garden.

8. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.

9. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out ofthe newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would-be thieves.

10. You start to worry about your parents’ health.

11. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500.

12. You don’t get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.

13. Pop music all starts to sound crap.

14. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don’t have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white.

15. You always have enough milk in.

16. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.

17. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4’s TimeTeam with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.

18. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.

19. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.

20. You wish you had a shed.

21. You have a shed.

22. You actually find yourself saying “They don’t make ’em like that anymore” and “I remember when there were only 3 TV channels” and “Of course, in my day….”

23. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 – and Jimmy Young has some really interesting guests on.

24. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at school children whose diction is poor.

25. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.

26. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11

27. You find yourself saying “is it cold in here or is it just me?”

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